How many times have you heard this or said this when taking a “bit too long” to respond to an email, a call, or a text? Well, I’m saying it now for this edition of Vanessa's Vibes, but you know what? I’m not actually sorry.
And that’s not to say I didn’t want to update y’all sooner, but I needed some time, ya know? I'm working on being ok with doing what I need, what I need for me - and that's one of the toughest challenges I face and something I'm always working on. Maybe you are too?
You see, the last few months have been, shall we say, a journey.
In March, I began to feel like the walls of my very small Portland studio apartment were closing in on me and I really needed to get away. So I basically walked out the door with a few bags of clothes and some snacks and just started driving with no real plan in place or destination in mind. The song "My Church" by Maren Morris was playing through my head...
"Can I get a hallelujah
Can I get an amen
Feels like the Holy Ghost running through ya
When I play the highway FM
I find my soul revival
Singing every single verse
Yeah I guess that's my church..."
And that's what I needed - a soul revival - and it started as a truly desperate desire to get out of the house and just hit the open highway, well it turned into about a 7-week, 23-state, 9700+ mile adventure of exploration of the country and most importantly of myself. You see, I was going through it. After the anniversary of my Papa’s passing in early March, some personal and professional roadblocks, and just a year of the pandemic doldrums - I hit an even deeper lull in my usual go-getter attitude and spunky optimism and started to go again down a dark path. A year into "lockdown" was still encroaching on any “normal” kind of plans and throwing in a few speed bumps in my personal life, I just wasn’t feeling like myself and started to fall into a depression, more so than I’ve felt in a long time.
Yep - I deal with depression. There - I've said, let's not make it awkward now, a lot more of us do that you may know or realize and we've really gotta work together to change the stigma around mental illness - but that's focus for another day.
You see, the difference between this time and previous times, however, was my ability to to recognize it and ask for help with it. Over the years, I’ve added many resources and strategies to my toolbox of coping that I was able to acknowledge that I’d been struggling and instead of seeping into a deeper despair and depression complimented with a wild side of anxiety, I actually knew I could do something about it - now it wasn't a quick fix, but taking action is core value in who I am and the work I help people to do.
The road trip was just one part of that. With few obligations at home, and work I could do on the road, it was the perfect catalyst for me to focus on myself. I visited some new inspiring places like Moab, New Orleans, and Asheville and some old favorites and dear friends in Omaha, Boise, and Grand Junction. I literally made it all the way to the Atlantic Ocean and stayed with dear friends who own beachfront property in North Carolina 0 the rhythm of the waves and the hugs fro their children helped to soothe my soul. The long drives, sometimes 14+ hours in between my unplanned destinations left me with time for stillness and reflection, and experiencing the freedom of simply taking off for the pure joy of adventure, soaking up the scenery, and enjoying a random conversation at a roadside diner was something I really needed after feeling trapped for the last year - it was connection.
The other part that helped me to pivot out of this challenging time was reaching out to my people. I realize I’ve mentioned before my vast community of people to call in times of need, or to help bring your vision to life or a connection you "just must meet" - being a Super Connector is a passion of mine and a badge I wear with honor. It's taken decades of work and follow through on my relationships to be surrounded by such amazing people. But in this time of need for me, and to again, practice what I preach about outreach and community - I really took that to heart for myself this time and sought out my therapist and doctors for personal work and my friends and family around the country for both loving distraction and grateful presence. I also learned about who could really be there for me in a time of need - who would answer the call or hear the fear in my voice and know they needed to make time to check in on me. I also learned to trust my intuition at a deeper level and I continue to work on that.
I even managed to get the ball rolling on some projects and make some amazing new friends when I tacked on a work-related visit to Montana, attending an incredible event by my friend George Bryant - a gathering that was truly life changing and pivotal - but instead of using that trip to focus on others and the success of the event, I focused on myself.
And it wasn't lost on me that the first day of the event, not only was it my 39th Birthday and I got to speak into existence some big dreams and goals for my next year, but I also became an epic Champion of Rock, Paper, Scissors - to a crowd of new and old friends all chanting, "Let's Go V, Let's Go V!" as I victoriously beat my competitor in the best of 5 Rounds on the main stage. And yes, "RCP Champion" is now on my list of proud accomplishments and you know me, it's a hell of a story that I'll have to tell you in person and yes, I'm competitive AF.
Along the road, before I ventured to Los Angeles to surprise my cousin Dylann for her birthday, a most epic feat and a gift I was happy to give - she and I had a call to catch up and I explained a bit of what I was going through and how I was coping and all I was trying to do, but that I was still a bit down, and she said something that resonated and inspired this edition of Vanessa's Vibes:
“Well, shit, VJ, no one can fault you for not trying!”
And that’s just it -- so many times those of us who have have experienced depression or struggle with other mental illnesses or at any time of life had a big challenge - well, we'll have a hard enough time getting out of bed in the morning, let alone reaching out for help. But because of all the work I’ve done over the years, the lessons I've learned, the work I continue and strive to do, even when it's so very hard and vulnerable - well, instead of wallowing in it and staying stuck, I was able to do something about it. We all go through rough patches and the point is to keep going.
So if you’re stuck or need support or help, please, please reach out. Even if it’s not to me, reach out. But if it is to me, I get this journey. I’ve been on this journey. I’m still on this journey and likely always will be, but that’s the beauty of this life. We’re always changing, always improving. And that's why I'm here to help. If you’re looking to change things up or have tried some options and need some more, then perhaps connecting with me is one way to go. Just keep going.
In a note of farewell to this edition, I want to thank every single friend and family member I saw and spoke with and connected to on that trip - maybe it was a morning breakfast in Texas, or an Easter Celebration and some moonshine in Iowa, perhaps it was a voice text from Arizona, or a Marco Polo or Zoom call from Oklahoma or South Carolina - if you took time to open your home or your heart to me, in person or virtually, to reach out and check on me, or whisper off a prayer - I am so humbled by your love and am grateful for you to be on my journey - I needed you, so thank you.
Stay Awesome, Keep It Real, and Just Keep Going.
~ Vanessa
PS: I've got some cool stuff happening with some friends of mine...
I'm supporting my friend and money mentor Dan Mangena and his awesome FREE series this week, A Date With Money - so if you are ready to accelerate your financial abundance and get ready to learn and receive, join us and sign up here!
My friend Erin Kreitz Shirey is launching an AMAZING Certification Program - the INSPIRATOR Certification - the only Health and Wellness Certification that educates and empowers others to live an intrinsically motivated life! She's so incredible and has been doing this work for almost 20 years, please go check out her offering for her program!